Sex and Violence
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: A one shot tag. Sam decides to leave after that incident but Dean chases after him and they are forced to talk about happened while they were under the spell. Limp Sam in this also. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!


**I'm updating my stories today and this weekened, and plan to finish Powerless probably next week, but I had to write this one shot. The stuff about Dean and Sam was pretty intense for last night's episode and it felt a LITTLE anticlimatic for me at the end, I wanted them to talk it out more and stuff. I think it just seemed rushed. So yeah, this is to give me some more closure lol.

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Sam's mind wondered to what the siren said, about Dean wanting a different brother, one who loved Dean, who looked up to him. One that Dean could trust. Tears started to climb their way to the surface before he forced it back down. He noticed that Dean was being more silent than usual. He opened his mouth to talk, and than decided against it.

_"You're holding me back," _he had told Dean. He winced at that line. Maybe _Dean _wasn't holding him back, but the other way around. Maybe if Dean really wanted a different brother deep down, that Sam just created too much trouble and chaos and worry in his life that Dean would be better off without Sam.

Maybe he should just leave. The thought pained him but maybe he was holding Dean back. Dean needed to concentrate on himself, to recover what happened in hell and Sam wasn't sure that he was helping him do that. It just seemed that he was starting to be more trouble than help.

He sighed. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried to fix it, how he tried to do good things they just kept biting him in the butt, he just kept on digging himself deeper into the hole he was trying to escape. Like he was trapped in quicksand and the harder he struggled to get out of it, the deeper he sunk.

And it seemed like he was pulling his brother down with him too, something that didn't and _shouldn't _have to happen. He winced as he thought of what he said to Dean, of complaining about hell too much.

That was a low blow for him. He shouldn't have said it. Yet, he couldn't control what he was saying, it was almost like demonic possession. He was there, but he wasn't in control of what he said or did, even though he heard them.

He looked over at Dean who was staringa the window. A dark cloud seemed to hang over them now. He felt like he made the right decision. That night he would leave Dean. That way Dean could stop worrying about his brother who he wished he didn't have and finally be able to concentrate on himself for a change.

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Night had come. Sam pretended to be asleep when they both went to bed. He watched his brother's gentle breathing. Most of the time he would wake up to find Dean talking and moaning in his sleep, obviously dreaming about hell. And how Sam wanted to comfort him, like Dean did when he dreamt about Jessica, but he wasn't sure how. Hell was such a touchy subject for Dean. And Dean was in the kind of mood most of the time where he didn't want to be comforted, didn't want to talk about it. One time Sam did wake him up, but Dean acted like he didn't know what Sam was talking about. Pretended he didn't remember the dream, though Sam knew that he clearly did.

He slowly got up and grabbed his duffle with the few possessions he owned and left, after scribbling a note for Dean.

_I'm sorry Dean, for not being the brother you wanted. For making your life so miserable. Maybe this way you could concentrate on recovering from hell. You're not holding me back, Dean. I'm the one holding YOU back, for dragging you down with my problems and for that I'm sorry._

_Love Sam._

He walked along the dark silent night, and touched the scar from the knife that was pressed into his skin. He still felt bruises from the blows his brother gave him. He thought of the relationship that they had had when they were kids, how close they were. How Dean would do anything for him. He thought of how Dean went to hell for him.

He really wished he didn't say that stuff about hell towards Dean. It's just..._hearing _about what Dean had to do, what Dean did, made him feel even more guilty about the deal. He really should have stayed dead. He wasn't worth that kind of sacrifice Dean made.

Ignornance is really bliss sometimes.

He heard a noise behind him. He stopped as the rustling got louder. He froze and turned and as he did a figure out of no where attacked him.

It was a strange beast, he wasn't sure if it was a werewolf or not. It happened so fast, when suddenly just as quickly as the attack began he felt the beast being stabbed in the back. The beast let out a howl of pain before collapsing on him. Sam groaned, breathing quickly as he tried to collect himself on what happened. His chest was bloody. Suddenly someone pushed the beast off of him and grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

It was Dean.

"Dean? What the hell are you doing here?"

Dean stared at him rather darkly.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said softly. He held out the note. "A note? After everything we've been through you're leaving me with a Goddamned _note_?"

Sam let the tears fall from his face.

"I thought I was helping you," he whispered. "Doing you a favor."

"By leaving me?"

"It seems like no matter what I do, I drag you down into my troubles. I'm becoming more trouble than help to you and now is the time when you could use some help! You went to hell for me Dean. You've been so busy worrying about me going evil and sneaking around you that you haven't had time to properly deal with it. I just thought I'd give you some space..."

"Space?" Tears was in Dean's eyes. "Sammy I don't want space. I just want you to be _honest _with me. I just hate the lying and the sneaking and I get that you do it because you're afraid I'd jump down your throat, and I probably would have, but talking about it is better than keeping it secret, isn't it?" His voice shook. "When the fight comes, the big one that everyone's talking about I need to know that you have my back..."

"Of course I do!" Sam cried. "I always have your back, Dean..."

"Lately it's been getting more and more difficult to tell," Dean whispered.

"Is that why you want a..." Sam almost couldn't say those words.

"Want what?"

"A different brother..."Sam let his voice trail away miserably.

"Jesus Sammy," Dean said, letting his voice get softer. "Is that why you left? You thought I wanted a different brother? I didn't say-"

"No, but the Siren did. The Siren said you wanted someone who looked up to you, who you trusted...who loved you." Tears filled Sam's face. "Dean I know I haven't been the most trustworth person in the world, but do you think I don't love you anymore? Or look up to you?"

"You said it yourself, that I had become weak," Dean said slowly.

"Dean that was the spell talking."

"Well than so was the brother thing. I mean I didn't say it, but the siren just said it so you'd attack me. You should know that."

"Yeah but is there some truth to it? I mean what you said was true about me lying to you and sneaking around so was it true about the brother thing?"

"If I wanted a different brother, if I didn't want you I wouldn't have come after you tonight would I?" Dean stared into Sam's face. "I know thing's haven't been great between us, hell it seems like everything's starting to spiril out of control but..."His throat closed. "But listen to me Sammy." He placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. "You're the _only _brother that I want. I don't want anyone else and yes, I would go back to hell for you again. I'll always do whatever it takes to save you, to protect you. I'll never stop worrying about you or..."He paused at first. "Or loving you. Nothing can change that."

Sam nodded, blinking back tears.

"Thanks..."He said. "The same goes for me too."

Dean nodded.

"You still want to leave?" He asked softly and Sam shook his head.

"No," he whispered. Dean nodded again.

"Let's go back to the motel," he said. "And get those wounds checked."

Sam nodded and Dean helped walk Sam back to the motel room.

Suddenly, for the first time in a while, it was easier for both of them to think clearly, relax, and to breathe.

**Hopefully it wasn't too mushy at the end! **


End file.
